Long time no see...
At the time of creating this I didn't really understand the beauty of creating your own personal space, But as time went on and as people in positions of power continued to grind away at our own individuality, it allowed me to realize how much I disdain modernity, as grateful as I am for what I have and how I still remained enamored with the feats of technology, I can't help but be worn down by the incessant monetization, the control, how information has become but a metaphor for information , I hate what technology has made of us, I hate that my attention has been commodified, I hate that my interests can't remain private, I hate that my worth is based on the amount of money I can flaunt, I fucking FACEBOOK and I hope all of those CEO's die in the most excruciating way imaginable... I hate what I have become... I know I sound melodramatic here, Woe is me , but I can't help but dwell on how painful life has become and how much worse it will become...
With all that being said and done, with all the peril, anguish and deceit in the world, I still relish the everyday beauty, I still feel the ever growing Love for my boyfriend, I still have hope... Hope that I control my life... Again I'm sounding like a prima donna... Alas, it is a folly most profound to bestow upon a scribe the implements of quill and ink, and yet dare to presume that the quill shall not dance, the ink shall not sing, nor the parchment bear witness to the birth of verse
Why the long break?
I phrase this header like I have an audience who misses me and awaits another post to this hit site, but it remains more of a question to myself, a point of reflection (the purpose of this site).
Around the month of July, my mental health plummeted, with the pressure from uni mixing horribly with the existential crisis I was experiencing, things were looking rather grim, I took that time to seek counsel and eventually start on an SSRI,
which truly was my saving grace, I'm in a lot better of a headspace, I'm able to think critically and clearly again and not be weighed down by the ever oppressing question, "What is the point...".
I've realized that my main gripe is with purpose, what is purpose and what is it to me? It's still a question that I haven't been able to answer but I don't think it has an answer, my purpose is to feel fulfilled, and I realized that how I was living,
was not allowing me to feel fulfilled, now fulfillment isn't dictated by one large change but by the small changes, the effort you put into the long term, the effort you put into making yourself happy.
As an Aries, I crave change to be instant, I always have and I've always acted so impulsively, so changing my mindset from "What can I change in the now to bring instant gratification" to, "What can I do to walk the path of long-term gratification",
has been no easy feat, but it is something I want to achieve.
I think in coming blog posts, I'll relay what has been working for me on my path to being happier, I don't want to just blurt it all out in one post and then not touch this site again.
To anyone that read this, I want to remind you to find joy in the small things and really realize the things you can be grateful for, I also urge you to next time you're sat on your phone, staring at that screen, mindlessly scrolling, to turn that mf off.
That's all from me! lots of love -Icky
This is todays icky kitten, hes how I feel most of the time :3